His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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