Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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