Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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