The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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