Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
