I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
