if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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