She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
