our cab driver is having phone sex.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
