So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
