You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
