I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
