One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think i have two assholes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
