I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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