You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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