she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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