sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
