well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize