Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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