And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
