Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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