is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
