She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
