im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
