i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
