Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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