I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
