I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
