I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
