I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
