The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
