I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
