I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
party gras won. party gras always wins.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
