This is not my ceiling
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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