so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
nutella sex= disaster
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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