Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
