Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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