apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
