WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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