The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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