I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
