no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
