she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
