Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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