This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Are we still banned from the library?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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