Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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