is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
