i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
