My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
