ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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