Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
