I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
