College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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