In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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