the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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