Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
