That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
