I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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