i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
