just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
