Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
