so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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