Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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