My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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