I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
